We are living in a unique time in human history. Undeniably there is still a great deal of suffering in the world that needs to be addressed. But overall, a greater number of people have a higher standard of living, better healthcare and access to education, than any time in the past. This gives more people more options for a brighter future.
Options, in and of themselves are a good thing. But once we reach a certain level of affluence, the sheer number of options we have, for things beyond our basic sustenance, can become overwhelming, even paralyzing. Career paths, where we live, what we buy, which schools we attend, what hobbies we pursue, where we vacation. And with so many options, a pervasive sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) or its close relative FOBO (fear of better options) can set in. Which path should we follow?
These feelings often come out of comparison with others, particularly through social media. We can start to feel like our lives somehow don't measure up to other people's seemingly more exciting ones. That they are collecting a better portfolio of life experiences, are changing the world and somehow have it all figured out. FOMO can also come from a belief in perfect outcomes - that there are certain choices that will lead us to 'the good life' and allow us to 'have it all'. Yet choosing one thing, inevitably means giving up another. What if we choose wrong? How can we commit to anything, if there is a nagging feeling that there is something better out there?
With this kind of thinking, it is little wonder that we live with so much stress. But a closer examination of our own values can turn our FOMO into JOMO (the joy of missing out). Fundamentally JOMO is about understanding what we intrinsically value and making choices on that basis. Decisions rooted in our values are so personal and so varied that we can't really hold them up for comparison with anyone else. There are many ways to have a good life depending on what that means to you. Wondering what other people think of our choices is natural but not always relevant, as long as we are considerate and are not intentionally harming anyone in the choices we make.
There is a deep sense of satisfaction that comes from not constantly doubting our own decisions. And from not judging others for theirs. In fact, most people are likely experiencing their own FOMO and struggling with their own choices, with little time to be thinking about yours. As David-Foster Wallace says in his book Infinite Jest, "You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." After all, our human mind puts each of us at the centre of our own stories.
Choices can be big - like who you marry, whether to start a family, to take a job in a different country. Or they can be small, like choosing whether to have a quiet night in or going to a party instead. Big or small, by committing to our choices we can throw ourselves behind them, relish them or learn from them more fully even if things go wrong.
Pete Davis speaks eloquently in his Harvard Commencement Speech about the joy that can be found in committing to things for the long haul even if they are not outwardly trendy. There is joy in closing doors rather than leaving them forever open just in case a better option presents itself. In our age of what is sometimes called 'liquid modernity', an age of seemingly infinite choice, the best antidote to FOMO might just be the radical act of narrowing down our options by understanding who we are and what will bring us the long-term contentment we seek.
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