Befriending our minds...
...and seeing the value in an inner life.
The idea of mindfulness, and related practices like yoga and meditation, has become more mainstream in recent years. From boardrooms to classrooms, sports fields to hospitals, the notion of working with our minds is not so foreign anymore. And yet translating these ideas into consistent action is where many of us get stuck.
If we are honest, we are often better at reading articles, listening to podcasts or watching videos on these topics, than we are at making time to be alone with our thoughts. So what holds us back from doing the hard work of actively taking care of our minds? Certainly busy schedules and varied responsibilities can get in the way.
But perhaps the real problem is fear - being afraid of what we will find if we stop long enough to observe our thoughts. This is a common realization when people first start to meditate, or attend a silent retreat, or just have pockets of solitude with no external input from other people or devices.
This is where the Buddhist concept of 'maitri' can be helpful. It refers to befriending our minds, just as they are, with the full range of happy, neutral and dark thoughts. When we sit down with our minds, it is often tempting to believe that we can clear away all thoughts. This is neither possible nor necessary. It is the nature of mind to think, just as it is the function of our lungs to breathe, or our liver to clean out toxins.
But maitri allows us to approach our own thoughts with compassion - just witnessing them without self-recrimination. This is a crucial first step towards accepting and then slowly letting go of unhelpful mental patterns. And eventually becoming less invested in either extreme of thinking, from wildly happy to deeply despairing.
An analogy I find useful is that of a cartographer. Solitude allows us to survey the landscape of our own minds, understand the peaks and valleys. Only by getting to know our own mental terrain can we learn to navigate it more skillfully. And find the oasis of calm we each already possess but that is often obscured by more tumultuous thoughts.
So instead of being afraid of solitude we can see it as an opportunity to uncover who we are in the absence of external stimuli. While other forms of relaxation are wonderful and valid - be it reading a book, watching a good show, immersing ourselves in music or connecting with loved ones - solitude, without any specific activity or agenda, offers a different type of rest and healing for the mind. It provides the kind of self-soothing that can be beneficial to all of us, no matter our age. After all, the one person we have to be with throughout our lives is ourselves.
Much of life is lived in the external world, taking in different things through our senses, interacting with others. That is ofcourse an important part of being human. But it is equally important to also reflect on our internal world.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, scientist, author and founder of MBSR training (mindfulness based stress reduction) speaks eloquently about this in his talk 'Befriending the Mind, Befriending our Lives'. He states that 'when you do this kind of interior work, the social effects are profound: not just in your family and not just in your workplace, but throughout the world'.
Making time for this type of self-inquiry allows us to make sure that the external does not drown out the internal. And gives us the space to nurture and befriend ourselves, as well as others, in profound and lasting ways.