Be an oasis - create more harmony at work and home
Listen on: Spotify, Apple Podcasts or YouTube
It is very easy to get wrapped up in everything we need to do day to day. When we feel busy or overwhelmed it is natural to vent to people who lend an empathetic ear. Whether that is having too much on our plates. Or a difficult person or situation we might be dealing with.
Whatever the problem, most of us find it comforting to have a calm presence to turn to - a caring spouse, a trusted colleague or a patient friend who is happy to let us get things off our chest or maybe offer a different perspective. I think of such people as an oasis, not just in times of crisis, but in the day to day business of living life, with its inherent ups and downs.
It doesn't hurt to reflect on how we can be that nurturing presence to others. If we want to build a more compassionate world with greater mutual understanding, there is no better place to start than with ourselves. Certainly we can all show kindness through outward acts. This could mean volunteering our time in local communities. Or donating to charities that have global reach. It may be through work that helps others or helps the planet as a whole.
But surprisingly what is often harder than these outward acts, is sustaining an inner equilibrium while we deal with smaller, everyday things in life. So how can we train ourselves to maintain presence? How can we be an oasis for others? Here are a few ideas:
Set an intention: In her recent Headspace podcast Sunday Scaries, Dora Kamau discusses the idea of goals versus intentions. She points out that goals are generally outcome driven, while intentions are inward focused, measured by how they make us feel. So if your intention is to be an understanding presence for others, it might be accompanied by an internal sense of warmth or joy that you exude to those around you.
That warmth could be shared through a simple smile or by bringing some lightness into a thorny situation. It may mean helping someone take a few deep breaths if they are anxiou or enjoying their company with no other agenda.
Listen deeply: When people are looking for comfort, they may not really need advice or input. They might just need someone to listen and reflect back what they have said. Personally when someone really listens to me with an open mind, I often come up with my own solutions to a sticky issue. Or I feel better just knowing that someone cared enough to give me their undivided attention. Today with all our devices and distractions, that is a precious gift.
Especially as a parent it is easy to jump in with an adult perspective instead of hearing our children out. But if we want to prepare them for life, it is important to let them work through their own emotions by just being a sounding board. Safe in the knowledge that you are their oasis, they can go out into the world with a greater sense of security and self-confidence to handle whatever comes their way.
Reflect Quietly: Tonglen is a meditative practice where on the in breath, one takes in the suffering of others and on the out breath sends out wishes of comfort. It allows us to connect with others without even being in their presence. For example, one could practice Tonglen bythinking about a loved one who is very ill, and then expanding that thought to all those in the world who are suffering from the same illness. Suffering is a part of the human condition that we all share. Such reflection may seem passive on first glance, but it creates space in our minds so we can be truly available to those around us when they need us.
Through these practices, we all have the power to create and inhabit more harmonious environments, filled with calm and steadiness. We can be grateful when someone else is an oasis for us, and find opportunities to be one in return as well.
More blogs like this: An Integrated World - Feeling Connected through Grateful Living